Sadly, the following scenario is played out on the same stage, every day, whether here or somewhere else. Despite watching this play millions of times, so many of us will transition from audience to player. Why?
Husband and wife. In the evening. In the living room. Watching tv. He sits in the recliner. She lies on the sofa. A few feet separate them. They’ve been doing this for twenty years. They look at each other; a canyon of silence hovers between them; their smiles, achingly forced. They turn back to the tv. They lose themselves in a show neither pays attention to. Emptiness lingers like dull echoes in a dusty attic. They reflect . . .
Kids have grown; gone to college. Parents have persevered. They’ve done their duty. They’ve raised two healthy kids to perpetuate the species. Now they have to confront the stranger they’ve been living with for twenty years — each other.
Neither has the heart to mention divorce. But if it’s to be done, it has to be now, while each still holds a small piece of happiness — a piece of joy they’ve hidden away for this rainy day. And so the subject is broached. The deed is done. The divorce finalized.
Their kids hate them. Parents own up to their betrayal. They can live with it because they’ve found relief. It’s a shameful relief, but the tooth has finally been pulled.
With their Union dissolved, they need only attend to the dissolution of the family corporation and divide the assets.
Yet each is terrified the best years ebbed with the last tide. They look around, seeing everything anew — trees, clouds, sunsets — as if their eyes were finally opened. And each asks the same question: How did my life get like this?
I’ll answer in the form of a question. Who is your best friend? If you chose someone other than your spouse or spouse-to-be or will-be, you might want to rethink marriage.
In my experience, the most successful marriages have been the ones where couples wanted to do everything together. Sure they have guys-night-out or ladies-night, but at the end of the day, they always planned for the future in the context of what they wanted to do together.
Before folks contest my observation, keep in mind, I offered this within the parameters of “The Most Successful Marriages,” which embodies love, respect, economic stability and every other delicious fantasy we have about happiness.
And in case you didn’t know, a marriage is, above all else, an economic union. Forget this and you’ll join the #1 statistic for divorce — economics. (But this is for another day, another post.)
For our purposes, many have gotten married for the wrong reasons. Many have forgotten that romance makes for a poor mason. It rarely builds solid foundations. Romance without an equal dose of friendship is like practicing to be an olympic swimmer in a bathtub.
MR. LOCARIO — THE DATE WHISPERER
For New York’s Mr. Locario, he thinks this is why so many dudes fail at dating. Fellas concentrate too much on the “girl” and less on the “friend.” Balance your desires and you might find yourself with a new girlfriend. That goes for the ladies too. This is why Mr. Locario is the king creole of bedroom rock-n-roll.
His philosophy is simple. Don’t try so hard. Much of what he has to offer are things we already know. But like any good coach, he reminds us of the fundamentals. Mr. Locario can steer you to dinner, but he can’t force you to watch the movie.
Warmest thanks to Mr. Locario for supporting this article
1 OF 2 BOOKS FROM MR. LOCARIO
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