Germ Warfare

Rare scene. When is a subway train this empty? But it sure looks nice. See those seats at the tail-end? They look so enticing, don’t they? Especially if you want privacy and be left alone. Careful what you ask for.


Yup, that is a homeless man pissing in his sleep. Most of us have witnessed this firsthand. The stench is horrid; the sight cringe-inducing. I’ve noticed that most sleep on the seats closest to the ends of the cars. How thoughtful.

Worse, this mess in all likelihood won’t be cleaned-up anytime soon. Less than 50% of cars get cleaned with frequency. This, my friends, is what we forget while rushing around.

It’s funny how some of us won’t shake some people’s hands, but we’ll grab onto a pole that’s probably been touched by someone who didn’t wash his hands after taking a poop — and who didn’t have any toilet paper when he took the poop.

Usually, every seat is taken during rush hour. That’s why I always try to stand, if I can. But if I have to take a seat, I never sit at the ends of the cars. After this, I might never sit in a subway car again.

Just as worse, many homeless sleep in subway cars at night. Sometimes even during the days, especially in summer. Why? To cool off from the summer sizzle. This is where it turns into germ warfare.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condemning the homeless, I’m calling out the MTA, especially as they receivetens-of-millions of dollars from Albany to address subway sanitation. So how is all that money being spent? Where is it being spent?

Despite our knowing the state of sanitation of subway cars, we inevitably forget how dirty they are. But when you’re in a rush, whaddya’ gonna do?


Should you care to remember, at least now you know which seats have the highest probability of having been pissed on or even shat on. But, hey, it could always be worse.

I remember using a public bathroom awhile back. I covered the seats with rolls upon rolls of toilet paper. After I did my thing, I pulled up my pants and went about my business. It wasn’t until I got home, eight hours later, that someone asked me why a long sheet of toilet paper was hanging out of the back of my pants.


Then it dawned on me that people had been chuckling around me for the last eight hours. C’mon, man, someone couldn’t have given me a heads-up? And how the hell did toilet paper get stuck in my pants? Guess that’s what I get for using so much paper to cushion my ass.

It also occurred to me had I not used so much toilet paper, maybe that guy I spoke about earlier wouldn’t have had to use his hands to clean his bum. Amazing how life works.

I now have the urge to cleanse myself. And do so with something more meaningful than a mere shower. I need exercise. I need to Yogacise.

What is Yogacise? It’s part mental, part physical — always spiritual. This is how I cope with life’s embarrassing moments. I meditate without judgment. I use the healing properties of Yoga’s mental floss.


Warmest thanks to Integral Yoga Studios for supporting this article



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